


Fingers in her hair

by Hypallepse



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Autistic Luna Lovegood, Butch Ginny, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, TasteofSmut 2020, Touch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25450384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hypallepse/pseuds/Hypallepse
Summary: Whenever Luna is having a nightmare, Ginny is here to take her in her arms and distract her by brushing and braiding her hair. But while Luna is reminded of her mother, Ginny thinks of something else entirely.
Relationships: Luna Lovegood/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56
Collections: Taste of Smut Fest





	Fingers in her hair

**Author's Note:**

  * For [VeelaWings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeelaWings/gifts).



> Written for HP Taste of Smut 2020 - Prompt no. 17 - Hair styling for their s/o (either manual brushing, braids or flower crowns etc.) 
> 
> I did it! It's totally out of my comfort zone so I hope you'll like it. Thank you to my betas, my three musketeers who have helped me and guided me through this journey (OrphielBurrito, houseofhebrideanblacks, SpinnersendSlytherin). This fic would be a mess without you. A big thanks to the mods for their work and their help!
> 
> I hope you like it!

That night, like many other nights, Ginny woke up to Luna screaming. It was the only way that Luna could escape her nightmares, screaming and fighting the air. And the only thing that Gin could do in return was to roll across the bed and seize that squirming body into her arms. She hadn’t done it deliberately, no, this was instinct and habit kicking in before full awakening. It was with full intention and consciousness that she finally spoke, a little higher than Luna’s panicked moans, “Luna, Luna it’s me, it’s Gin, it’s ok, you’re home.”

Her voice was croaky, still awkward from sleep, and she had a hard time assessing how deep in the night they were. Light was coming from outside, the skies were clear but still filled with stars. Luna had always said that the stars and the moon were guardians who protected them from corruption and bad dreams. They could also heal memory loss and favour hair growth. Gin knew better than to doubt any of Luna’s beliefs and, instead, used them when communicating with her. Sleeping with the moon just outside the window was a small price to pay for the security it could bring to her friend. For that same reason, Gin had started to sleep against her, even when it was so hot outside, and it was for that same reason again that Gin’s heart was racing, desperate to calm down the woman next to her. Luna struggled a little before her screams became low and scared sobs.

“You’re alright Luna, I’m here, I’m taking care of you, remember?”

There was no answering back, but Ginny knew very well that it could take a while before she would hear Luna speak again. It was like fear and trauma came in her throat to silence her, raising a wall between her and her words. When emotion was seizing Ginny, it always came with a hyper-expression of her feelings, like she had to mark the world with her rage and her pain and everybody had to know about it, while Luna seemed to be shutting all of her thoughts out and dissociating herself from the outside world.

Gin’s job had always been to bring her back.

“I’m here with you Luna, you’re safe, ok? No Malfoy, no manor, no war. Only you and me. Look at the stars, they’re protecting us.”

Tender words kept coming out of her mouth, her head against Luna’s, Ginny’s arms hugging her tightly, their bodies pressing each other, legs intertwined, their skin touching where their too-short pyjamas ended. Ginny’s face warmed up with a gush of guilt from the pleasure she felt being so close to her friend. She bit her lip, trying to focus on her task, but it was hard sometimes, hard to forget it was Luna in her bed and in her arms.

“I’ve got you.”

After a time, Luna would always turn around, neglecting the stars and focusing on Ginny, hugging her back and letting her head rest on her chest. This time, like all the others, Gin’s heart began to race far too fast, feeling Luna’s own chest against hers. Chasing her feelings and her guilt, she followed the motion and her fingers soon found their way in Luna’s hair. 

Ginny was deeply in love with Luna’s hair, long and soft, golden as the sun with the smell of a summer breeze. When her fingers passed through it, it was like caressing silk. The best part was how Luna would sigh softly when Gin started to touch her hair, melting against her, clearly asking for more. At those times, it was hard not to kiss it, kiss her.

It helped to remember that Luna loved so much for her hair to be touched because of her mother. Pandora had loved to brush her daughter's hair, to braid it and shape it into decadently elaborate styles. Gin had seen the pictures, and her friend had explained to her how those memories could calm her down. She didn’t have the right to mar what they had, for it was too precious. 

So, every time Luna woke up screaming, Ginny brushed her hair. 

At first, she was only using her fingers, but before long she caught the brush always waiting on Luna’s nightstand. Like the stars and Gin’s arms, it was here for those scary yet sacred moments. At first, it had been strange to brush someone’s hair while they were resting on you; but like the true Quidditch Champion that she was, Gin had learned to deal with it and even got good at it. It helped that Luna’s hair was so manageable, because Gin had never been good with hairstyling.

And it had become even worse since she’d shaved her head.

Molly had screamed the first time she had seen her baby girl with such short hair, first thinking that someone had cursed her daughter or that she had contracted a very serious illness. It had taken hours of discussion before her mother could accept this new hairstyle, without ever understanding it. For years, Ginny had been scared of being too manly, one of the boys, as if it was too obvious a course for her. All her life she had been reminded every day that she was a girl: her brothers saying she couldn’t do Quidditch, her mother brushing her hair with glee (“I could never do that with your brothers!” as if Bill wasn’t there), her father calling her sweet names and over-protecting her. Long hair had been a default, something that stayed on her head and that she often had to brush out of the way. It was like a crown, beautiful and heavy, impractical, something that reminded her endlessly of the expectations she had to fulfil. Every time she looked in a mirror, she had to remember that she was a sister with seven brothers and that meant that she had to be even more of a girl, whatever that meant.

Quidditch had helped her gain her freedom from such expectations. First it had been her little secret, something that was hers and hers alone before she could be proud of it, impressing even her brothers. It had taken her a while before choosing it as a legitimate career goal, her very own achievement that had finally come true. As years passed and her confidence grew, her hair became heavier and heavier until it had become simply absurd to keep it. She shaved it all in one go, without any middle-ground, without consulting a soul, scared that someone could stop her. Nobody did. At first, it had felt like jumping off a cliff and crashing to the ground: who was that person in the mirror? What had she done to her mother? Everybody had loved her hair, it was part of her, had she done something wrong by shaving it? Was it proof that she was in a bad place, was it self-harm?

But then Luna had come home and had seen her, and she had smiled like never before, literal glee flowing out of her. She had been so impressed that Ginny had forgotten any bad feeling. Instead, she had felt strong when her friend had told her that she had never looked more fierce. For a moment there, just before Luna asked if she could rub her head, Ginny had nearly said that she would _always_ protect her. She would be fierce and strong and Luna would never be scared again.

Gin had been deeply in love with her ever since.

“You have the softest hair, Luna,” she whispered in the night, not yet receiving an answer, nor expecting it.

Everything was different when it came to Luna. Ginny had much more patience with her than with any other people and she would spare no effort so that she could feel safe. Of course, everyone felt protective of Luna, it had something to do with her quirkiness, the way she could feel lost and wise at the same time, that strange bond she had with death and especially the death of her mother, that she had witnessed at the age of nine. Gin didn’t know how she could have dealt with such trauma.

So, yes, sure, everybody cared about Luna but there was something else happening between Gin and her. It was something in Luna’s magic that drew Gin to her, that made her want not only to care for her but to share her life with her. For her, she would brush and braid hair, something that she certainly did not do when she had had hair of her own. She was not the best at it, but managed to slowly improve with practice, especially by doing it in the dark with Luna’s face pressed against her chest. It was distracting, to say the least. 

This time, she was planning on milkmaid braids. Very loose and not very straight milkmaid braids, but it suited Luna and that was the best Gin could do.

“I’m going to get your hair up, so you don’t get too hot,” she explained when it was mainly an excuse to reveal her neck and maybe touch it.

Luna nodded, which was a small victory in itself. Gin tried to focus on that.

She tried so hard to focus on that and not on the proximity of Luna’s body nor the way she could feel her breathing through her shirt. This type of thought was wrong, and harmful, she couldn’t let herself think about it too much because Luna trusted her and they were friends. Best friends. They shared everything and meant the world to each other, living under the same roof, sharing their meals, sleeping on the same bed. They had been close since school but with the years it had grown deeper and stronger and now Gin had the hardest time going through a single day without seeing her. Luna was always her plus one at official parties, but no one ever thought they were together. She presented her as her friend, people recognised her sometimes for what they did during the war and nothing else. Sometimes, Gin wanted them to misunderstand their relationship, for the possibility of being in a couple with Luna in at least a few minds beside her own.

She hated herself for thinking like that.

Inside her joy and her love for Luna lived a creeping feeling of self-hatred and guilt. One that grew every time she took advantage of their relationship to get closer to her, touch her arm, her hair, her neck. She was feeling guilty this very instant as she was braiding Luna’s hair to get her to calm down. But her friend never backed away and always stayed near her. Nothing seemed to faze her but, at the same time, she never made that first step herself.

It had been Gin who had suggested they lived together. Gin who had started to cook for two and who had adapted her schedule to meet Luna’s. At first, it had been Gin who came in Luna’s bed whenever she had heard her friend’s screams. It had still been Gin who had invited Luna on her own bed, for the night, then for the week, and then another one until Luna’s bed stayed empty except for the occasional friend that would stay the night. Still Gin who had told her to put her clothes in their bedroom, her who had started to talk about “our bed” and who had invited Luna as her “plus one”.

Always her asking and Luna always agreeing with a smile, like it was the best idea in the world. Ginny knew that it was hard for Luna to get the initiative, years of bullying and of social inadequacy had the tendency to make one shy and awkward around others. She knew it full well, but hated herself nonetheless for taking advantage of it. 

And, of course, it had been Gin who had kissed Luna first.

It nearly could have been an accident. That day, Luna was leaving and Gin was lost in the anxiety of her never coming back. It had been something since the war that they never truly discussed: Gin was prone to say that she had her Mind Healer for that and didn’t need to discuss her feelings. And she had, in fact, discussed with her Mind Healer about that terrible dread that came rushing every time someone was leaving her as if it were for battle and as if they would never to be seen again. With the years the feeling had faded and she had better control of her emotions, but watching Luna go was almost as hard as it could be with George.

What if she didn’t come back? What if she simply forgot to come back, or if she decided to go chase the Snorkack for a week? (There had been occurrences before.) Luna seemed like a butterfly sometimes, and Gin feared more and more each week that she was forcing her friend to stay with her and that, faced with another opportunity, Luna could leave her and go with Neville or whoever suited her fancy.

Luna was often hugged before leaving. Gin would take her in her arms and squeeze her hard to make herself forget her fears. Before releasing Luna, she would kiss her on the cheek or on the forehand.

One time, she had kissed her on the lips.

It had been a very brief kiss, a faint brush of lips, Gin could have thought she had dreamed the contact. She had expected a lot of things in return, from Luna kissing her back with urgency to quiet horror and Luna leaving their home forever. But Luna’s eyes only slightly expanded, a short moment before everything went back to normal. She had smiled and said her goodbyes before finally going out, leaving Gin paralysed by the shock of her own boldness.

It had taken Ginny a whole week before trying again. She had kissed Luna when she got home one day like it was the most casual thing to do as friends. Luna had smiled again, unfazed, and had started babbling about her day as if nothing had happened. After that, Ginny couldn’t stop herself: a kiss when coming back, another before going out, when saying thank you or wishing good night. They never lasted and Luna never started them, always smiling like it was nothing and then going on with her life.

From then on, Gin’s guilt had been growing deeper and stronger. She often thought of herself as a terrible human being, unworthy of love and certainly not worthy of Luna’s friendship. Luna was innocent, absolutely oblivious of what could be a romantic relationship, especially between women. Gin was not that experienced either, but Luna had that something in her which felt like utter ignorance. Was she even aware that women could be in love? That their relationship could mean as much as the one between Ron and Hermione?

While Gin was ruminating those questions, the braids were coming together under her fingers and Luna was certainly thinking of her mother. Feeling more and more on the edge of doing something stupid, Gin was glad for the distraction as she asked:

“I’m going to join them, can you sit now?”

Luna didn’t directly answer but she made a small noise while complying. Gin got up at the same time, soon feeling cold from not touching Luna’s body as she got to the edge of the bed. There, she went for the night-stand where they kept the pin box. The pins were enchanted flowers, pansies that were pinned in the hairstyle while keeping fresh and their delicate scent. A few of them in her hands, she came back behind her, Gin’s stomach touching Luna’s back before trying to put the braids in a sort of a crown. It was a difficult task for someone like Ginny, especially in the dark after having not enough sleep.

“You’ll smell like spring,” Gin said with a soft voice.

The flowers’ perfume was filling the space around them, chasing away the nightmare. Gin glimpsed a hint of a smile in the corner of Luna’s mouth and finally heard her voice while the first braid was getting pinned.

“It reminds me of Dad’s garden, I like it.”

She was talking. It was very low and a little awkward, but it made Ginny smile. Luna was talking again, all was for the better.

“Then your hair will look like his garden,” she answered, and Luna had a little laugh.

With that laugh, it was like a veil have been lifted. Luna was fine, she was talking and laughing and, just like that, Gin’s guilt seemed to melt. Luna was back, in this room, in their flat, smiling again, laughing at last. The scare of the night gone, Ginny felt even more strongly how close they were. Her legs around Luna’s body, her hands in her hair, managing braids she wanted to kiss almost as much as the skin of her neck that she was revealing.

“I love doing this,” she said with a short breath, trying to forget her heavy thoughts.

That’s your hair that I love darling, she wanted to say, the way you smile and reclaim your voice after a nightmare, I love your strength and the smell of flowers that come from your father’s garden.

“Me too,” answered Luna in a very low voice, as if it were a secret.

As if she were saying…

Ginny shuddered, trying to erase her thoughts, her desire, the way she felt called by Luna, her voice, her smell, her body. She tried and she failed, slowly bending over, an unpinned braid still in her hand, as her lips were getting closer to Luna’s skin.

It was a spot she had coveted for so long, the joining of Luna’s neck and shoulders, that soft angle where her face would fit perfectly if she came to press her lips against it. And it did. She kissed that skin, inhaled her smell, felt herself melt against Luna, nearly opening her lips so that she could lick it slowly. She felt herself burning from the inside.

At that moment, Luna didn’t move. Didn’t say anything and didn’t move away, nor did she lean in her direction. She stayed perfectly still but tensed a little. Gin felt those muscles clench under her mouth and guilt came rushing in. She got away quickly as fast as she could, red and confused. What had she done?

“I’m sorry,” she croaked, battling tears that she didn’t expect.

Maybe she had dreamt, or thought, or hoped that Luna would go to her if she did something really bold.

Yes, Gin had imagined that Luna had needed one last extra clue because nothing else seemed to make her understand. Sure, they could have talked about it, but it seemed such a hard thing to express, especially in that situation where Ginny couldn’t clearly tell herself what was happening. She wanted to eat back her last words and pretend as if nothing happened. But she had no choice anymore, as Luna was turning around to face her. In the light of the moon, Ginny could see her concerned eyes.

“What’s wrong? Gin?” she asked with a worried voice.

“I’m sorry I— I didn’t mean to— You just had a nightmare and I’m— It’s gross, I’m sorry I—”

“Gin, what are you talking about? What is gross? I don’t understand.”

Luna’s voice got higher, like every time she was feeling out of the loop. It was so difficult for Luna, sometimes, to understand what was happening, what people meant and what she did wrong. Gin knew that and felt another rush of guilt clenching her throat as she tried to explain:

“Me kissing you… like that. I shouldn’t have done that, not without asking and—”

“But I don’t think it’s gross when you kiss me,” answered Luna in one hurried breath.

For a moment, there was silence. Gin didn’t know how to react to that. How could she explain to Luna that she didn’t understand what it meant? That she had used her innocence for her own egoistic schemes?

“I don’t… It’s not about that, it’s more like… You’re not supposed to do that with someone that doesn’t want it back.”

“You mean you don’t want to kiss me?”

“No! What?!” Luna had always been strange but really, her train of thoughts was sometimes hard to follow. “I was the one kissing you! It’s _you_ who doesn’t want me to kiss you.”

“I never said that, and I never said it was gross.”

“But you— You never said anything! And you never kissed me back!”

“I should have?”

Luna seemed bewildered and Gin was herself lost for words. This was an absurd situation, nothing made sense. She felt tears come to her eyes, and for a very short moment, she wished Luna was like anyone else, that she understood how to flirt and how to answer roundabout questions. But she didn’t. That was part of why Gin loved her so much, and why she had to take that time and that effort to make herself understood by her. She took a deep breath as she could feel Luna’s anxiety rising. It was okay. All she had to do was confess. Luna could understand and, as she watched in her eyes, she knew that whatever happened, Luna would never hate her.

“I _want_ to kiss you and that’s the problem. But when I do I don’t know what you think of it, what you… understand of it.” Her face was reddening with each word as her feelings came to light. “And I don’t know what to do when you don’t react, and I… I’m scared that you’re starting to think that this is normal, that this is the way friends… girls that are friends act around each other and I—”

Her voice broke at that moment. She didn’t know what to do and Luna made a surprised

“Oh.”

She seemed to realise something at that moment. After a few seconds of reflection, she made another understanding “Oooh.”

That was it. That last piece of information that Luna missed so that she could understand what was really happening. Gin was battling tears again, her eyes locked on her own hands, trying not to watch as Luna was certainly searching for a way to let her go nicely.

“That’s what you were thinking about,” whispered Luna kindly. “I thought... Well, I thought we were together already.”

“What? Luna, what are you— What?!”

Gin’s voice erupted stronger that she had meant and Luna drew back with surprise. She tried to explain herself very soon after:

“As girlfriends? Like lovers? I thought…” Luna’s voice was shaking. “When you kissed me on the lips I thought that it meant we were lovers? That’s what everybody said and you seemed to know what you were doing so I followed but... You didn’t think so?”

“But you... You never kissed me back!”

“But I don’t know how!”

“... What?”

Gin felt like a broken record. She was utterly lost. She couldn’t rejoice, she couldn’t relax because what Luna was saying made no sense. In front of her, Luna was struggling to explain herself as she always was in that kind of situation. Not as if they even had faced such a thing before.

“I don’t know how to kiss people… You’re the first one ever and I didn’t want to… mess it up. You seemed like you knew what to do so I just… waited and… hoped and…”

“But… But… You mean you… You like me?”

At first, Luna simply laughed. That beautiful laugh that had chased the shadows away from their bed before. Gin felt her heart warm up as hope came in. Finally, Luna answered:

“Of course I like you Gin, how could I not? You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Gin had difficulties understanding what was happening, but her heart was catching up, her pulse growing faster and stronger. Luna liked her. Apparently, she really liked her. She even wanted her, in a new sort of way, and she thought they had been girlfriends for months. Real girlfriends that could kiss and… As she was growing closer to euphoria, something came inside her to nub at her hope. A pain in her exalting heart, a twist that made everything hard to believe and to follow. Luna’s smile was less bright now, her eyes expectant, patiently waiting for Ginny to speak.

It came with tears she didn’t feel coming.

“Why didn’t you say anything when I kissed you? I thought I was forcing you, I thought…” Her voice broke as she cried. She felt Luna approaching and taking her hands but it didn’t help as much as it should have. “Even now you say that you like me but I’m not sure I can believe you… I felt so guilty Luna, and I still feel like… Next time, you need to… Next time, I want you to tell me when you want me, even if you don’t make the first move… Ask me, tell me, I’m… I’m so scared of doing something you don’t want and that you accept by fear of losing me.”

Tears were falling more and more with every word she said, she sobbed the way Luna had when she woke up, and it was with the same tenderness that Luna came to Gin and took her in her arms.

“I’m so sorry Gin, I didn’t know, I thought it was obvious…”

“It’s not,” she answered with pain. “I can do anything you want but you have— you have to tell me you want it.”

Gin hadn’t expected how much she had needed it before she heard Luna’s voice coming in her ear, shy and awkward, asking:

“Can you please kiss me, Gin?”

She obeyed in the instant. The tears had stopped but were still drenching her face. It was a salty kiss. She quickly wiped them away, but tears of joy came to replace them. She kissed her once more when Luna asked again, and again, and soon they were laughing and kissing while rolling on the bed. Each kiss grew deeper with every single one of Luna’s requests, Gin slowly letting go of that tight control she had set on herself for the last few months. She could kiss Luna, she could love her and want her. And when doubt came of what would follow, Luna asked with a very scared voice if she wanted to kiss her anywhere else.

And she did.

It was Gin who asked if they could let go of their clothes. And it was the strangest thing that even though they had often seen each other naked, Gin felt a very different warmth seize her as she saw the line of Luna’s body illuminated by the moonlight. It was without question the most intimate thing they had ever shared.

Nothing could have prepared her for what she felt when their bodies finally touched.

The braids came undone in-between the discoveries they would make of each other's body. It released the pinned flowers over the sheets and they rolled on it, the smell getting stronger as intensity came over laughs. Luna’s hair was free now, so long it sometimes draped across Gin’s body. This time, when Gin’s fingers ran through the blonde hair, she let herself drown in it, she grasped it and pulled it to get Luna’s body against her own, like she couldn’t handle the possibility of not touching her. Gin finally tasted her neck and she smothered moans and cries against it. 

When Luna finally screamed in the night, it was for a whole new reason — but Gin still took her in her arms and whispered soft words to her.

Words of love and care, of want and desire. Again and again, they said to each other how much they wanted and loved it, how much they had desired the other and how many of the secrets they still had to discover about the other’s body. They celebrated every part of them, every muscle they kissed, every lips they parted, whispering words of love to hair, fingers, voice, kisses, until they finally admitted loving the other altogether.

**Author's Note:**

> 💋 This work is part of the Taste of Smut Fest, a Harry Potter-centered fest dedicated to the five senses: taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight. 
> 
> If you’ve enjoyed this work, please do shower our content creators with kudos and comments! 💌
> 
> [Please check out the fest's tumblr for more posts and updates](https://tasteofsmut.tumblr.com/)


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